Some people say "what is gaslighting" some say "it's by accident". Either way it's always your fault and it doesn't matter if you point it out to them in a nice way or not. Which leads me to believe that if you point it out in a nice way and they call you rude then it's on purpose and not by accident. This is psychological abuse.
I've reached a point where this happens to me day in day out wherever I go. Mainly because I believe in free speech.
Sometimes by men but more often than not it's received from self entitled over weight women. No I'm not being "rude" I'm saying it like it is!
Women are the biggest killers in this world, they don't do it by force so it's considered not as bad but it's psychological abuse causing mainly suicide in men. Sometimes with their own husbands or sons and when it happens they are then qualified to get a job on a suicide hotline to help others do the same!
Being homeless I like to go into the coffee shops and ask the staff if they are able to give me a free coffee. Some of them do it and some of them don't do it and generally it's not down to the chain or the manager although all of them claim it is. What it tends to be down to is the individual morality of the staff member serving you and whether they trust you enough to not take advantage of them. Some of them have the morality that if they get in trouble for giving a homeless guy a coffee in winter then they don't care! Which I think is a good stance to take when spending all your day working for someone.
I once got the answer "I'm not sure if I'm allowed and I don't want to get in trouble". This is a fair enough answer and at that point I always ask do they give you free coffee? If they so no then I just walk away and say you're probably right to not give it to me if you want to keep this ridiculous overcontrolling job. If they say yes then I say well just make yourself one and forget about it, or if anyone questions you and you think you may be in trouble just say that you didn't have your morning coffee and you gave it to me. Either way I've come to learn that if they let their staff have free coffee while working then they won't be too worried about a polite homeless person coming in every now and then and asking for one.
Generally what you do find though is the morality of a lot of the people working in these jobs is to judge you, claim superiority over you and blame it on the management. I've had it in places where I know that the manager gave me a cup a few days before! Being in Taunton one of my regular stops is Costa Coffee. I was getting a free coffee every time I went in and asked and I never take advantage and don't do it that often. All of a sudden a lady called Tina started working there and started saying well I'm not really allowed but I can give you a tea. Every time I go in she makes up some kind of rubbish about how management are on her case and she can only give me a tea today. Sometimes she says all of this and then gives me a coffee anyway and sometimes she just makes me have a tea and tells her staff to do the same. Now I can't really complain about this because it's a free tea even though it's not what I asked for.
Sometimes she also lets me have food but every time I go in she tells me she's not allowed to do it, makes me feel like crap and irritated with her strange lie and most of the time gives me a coffee and or some food anyway. Now she is the saviour and I'm happy and indebted to her! Or am I?
The answer is no I'm not, I know that she's lying, I know that she is doing it to try and play with my emotions and make herself feel good while having some kind of power over me. She says things like "do you know how many free drinks I get asked for?" and I know she likely never gets asked for any.
So this morning I went in and tried to point out calmly, why do you say this every time, sometimes giving me what I want and sometimes giving me tea. It seems unnecessarily controlling and when you're not here the staff will just make me a coffee. I was told that she was just trying to be nice and that I was being rude and she won't do it any more. What you won't gaslight me anymore or you won't pretend you can only give me tea and then give me coffee anyway? Apparently that was even more rude. At this point I realise there is nothing you can do in this situation other than put up with these stupid power play games and feel sorry for her husband and children. So I then start raising my voice and telling her exactly what I think about her. Why bother trying to speak nicely, if I calmly point out the truth of what is happening I'm called rude anyway even though I'm explaining her own actions back to her!
Then when you raise your voice you get the stupid guys that think they need to protect a passive aggressive overweight controlling moron by telling you to calm down or get out. I said I'll go when I'm ready unless you want to try and kick me out and see what happens? He obviously didn't. So I left with me tea and now I'm obviously barred. Do I care, no. I'd seen and heard enough and am sick of her bullshit and she's apparently the supervisor! She's also got a son who works there and has been following me around the streets of Taunton, which highlights to me that she's an undercover cop working in a café with the justification that I'm dangerous and the mission of creating that justification with gaslighting.
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