Who are Ya! or Where ya from
Travelling around different towns this is a question you get asked a lot! Where ya from or who are ya. I always struggle with this question now and don't understand why people seem confused by my response. It's such a simple question that people ask over and over again but do they really consider how deep a question this really is and do they expect you to answer it during a quick chat as they are rushing to work?
Who are Ya! & Where Ya from were always popular football chants back in the day. Now it seems to be common practice to do the same to everyone you meet for the first time
I remember being a child and going to watch Luton Town FC play football and the song:
- Every where we go, everywhere we go
- People always ask us, people always ask us
- Who we are, who we are
- and where we come from, where we come from
- and we always tell them, and we always tell them
- We're from Luton! Mighty mighty Luton
Now that was used to justify a group ideology that thought it sensible to follow a football team around and claim some kind of allegiance to that football team based on the fact you were born there and you now watched the "hatters" every match and you want to tell everyone about it....ahhhh the good old days. These days when someone asks me "where you from?" I've become so annoyed by it now I respond with "do you mean where is the concept of me that's been drawn up over 43 years from?", "Or do you mean, where was I born?", "or do you mean where was I last residing?", "or do you mean where am I residing now?" The most common response that I get is a blank face of confusion or sometimes frustration and anger because they think I am being clever or awkward. However when you really think about it they actually mean all of it but they don't really think about what they are asking at all. The joy of sitting down with someone, having a conversation, taking a walk with them and maybe learning all of that stuff is now gone, so they want you to spit it all out as quick as you can like you're giving some kind of sales pitch in the moment.
According to my Grandad, Luton Town were called the hatters because at some point they made hats in Luton! :/
I always felt unsatisfied with that as a child, it's strange. They also make a lot of other stuff in Luton and they also have arms and legs you know Grandad! Why are hats so important?.....cough, cough, er well they were likely one of the first towns to do it. Looking back now at my age I find that hard to believe but there you have it.
So where is the concept of "me" that's been drawn up over 43 years actually from?
When you think about it there is no way to answer this consistently and honestly as it changes in the moment depending on how I'm feeling about the day I'm having, the day I had yesterday, things that are likely to come my way etc etc. I left Luton with my family at 12 years old and have only been back for the odd visit so I don't really have any attachment to that anymore. In fact I went to so many schools and have lived in so many towns I don't really have any attachment to anywhere anymore. Now I've been houseless for over a year I don't even have any attachment to living in a house anymore or even owning anything, let alone the concept of me and where I'm from!
Spending a lot of time busking on the streets I've really started to pay attention to they eyes and the mannerisms of the people asking the question and what happens to them when I come back with the words I mentioned earlier. Part of me really does actually want to understand what it is they want to know and the conclusion that I've come to is I don't think they even really care or want to know anything. Otherwise they wouldn't ask the question like that. Sometimes people will respond instantly with "I meant where were you born?" to which I reply "I was born in Luton but haven't lived there for about 30 years now, does that help?" And the honest ones will say "no not really" :)
In my mind this comes back to the brainwashing of what life has become about which I talk about in the post What this world seems to be about
As a quick summary is that it seems to be about answering the five questions below:
- Who are ya
- Where ya from
- What's ya date of birth
- Can I have a picture
- Are you following orders
The world has become very good at answering these five questions. We've all gone to school and learned how to answer them over and over again, with about a million different products, a million different ideologies, a million different systems which is where we learn our "schools of thought", at school! We get so good at it we then ask it to each other, personally and in business, over and over again.
So if I was to ignore all of that rhetoric and think about where the concept of me drawn up over 43 years is actually from in this moment it really is a tough question. These days most of the time it's just riddled with loneliness. A concept of a guy that seems to walk about on his own all day long playing music and singing for his trilogy which is coffee, weed and snacks. I was hoping by now I would have found a lady friend who thought like me, looked at the world like me, wanted to hang out and have fun and just survive on what the world offers us in the moment. Or even one with a house that had her own life and had no problem with sharing resource, I'm not really attached to the way I live now either! That hasn't happened, so the concept of me is that I either need to lots of different ones in different towns :) or to just give up completely! I don't know why it is, how true it is, how much I'm creating that reality for myself, why it's happening etc etc but you can bet your ass the world is full of helpers trying to "help" me. Maybe if you got a job with some stability, then got a house and then blah blah blah.....I'm not really sure you're getting the point of what I'm doing here!
The truth is that the concept of me at the moment reached a stage where the connection you get from others in the world on a day to day basis wasn't enough so I went on a journey of connection, learning to play music, learning to connect in the moment on the street and learning to engage directly without a phone or a laptop hoping that I would end up with lots of great relationships based on authentic connection or at least one and that doesn't seem to have happened at all. In fact the better I've become at busking the less money I get! Strange but true. Now I'm quite good at scoping out where to go in towns to get a good nights sleep, some clothes and a shower and can do it pretty quickly. I can also connect with people, shop owners etc etc and get my needs met well if I'm in the right frame of mind, so you don't look "homeless" and you don't look like a victim, well I'm not really. Just a victim of loneliness. The truth is I'm not actually lonely as there are people everywhere all the time and lots of them are kind and help me, I suppose what you miss as a human being (whatever that is) is a bit of intimacy. Someone to cuddle, speak to and share your life with and if you're lucky deepen your understanding of sexual energy. I suppose it doesn't need to be one person for the rest of your life (as we are taught) but it is nice when you find someone you can do that with and I don't seem to have found anyone for a long time. You have the odd experience while travelling around and living this life you seem to attract a "crazier" kind of woman that doesn't seem to last long (although the alleged normal ones are just staring at their phones!), so what is normal.
Anyway, I can wrap it up in all kind of crazy problems to try and explain the concept of me in the moment that's been drawn up over 43 years but essentially the short answer is I'm not getting laid enough ;) Which means you don't get as much intimacy or feel connection to another and then you just feel lonely and the world feels kind of pointless, or so the concept of me that's been drawn up over 43 years thinks in this moment! Exhausting being in my head isn't it!