This is a phrase I've been saying to myself constantly over the last few weeks in order to try and change the energy around me from one of projection to one of connection. When the public see a person living "houseless" and busking there are no end of projections that they are pre conditioned to think and it starts to get tiring having to justify your existence every day.
Projection noun (PSYCHOLOGY)
The act of imagining that someone else feels a particular emotion or wants something when in fact it is you who feels this way; an example of this act: Projection is where you see in others what is really within yourself.
An example when you're not living in a house is "what happened?" or "what is wrong with you?" and most of the time they are actually saying; I work in a job that brings me no happiness on the basis that it's impossible to actually help anyone but I do it because I have to and that's just the way the world is. So anyone not doing that has to be doing something wrong, so I need to fix and help them because I can't face the fact that I may in fact be doing something wrong and working as part of a system that is all about paying tax for this person that isn't using it in the correct way.
My most recent example of projection and the prompt I needed for writing this post was actually quite a staggering one. I'm currently living in a tent which is in a little wooded area by a public footpath. This public football never used to get any activity so I thought it would be nice and quiet but it's funny how all of a sudden a footbath becomes very busy once it starts to get around there is a tent there. It's almost like the world starts to use the footpath more in order to justify it being a problem. However I'm set back enough from the path so it's hard to justify it being a massive concern, however it it interesting to notice how much busier it's become over the few days I've been there.
The other morning I was having a bit of a lazy morning, to be honest feeling down and depressed again. I struggle to find anything much in the world I enjoy doing on my own anymore and at the same time can't seem to keep a constant thing going with a woman who wants regular intimacy and fun without some kind of agenda. Sometimes it's so hard to be on your own I can feel all the anger and projections inside me, wanting to blame the world for it so I tend to lie about in my tent for long periods of time, otherwise I would just be hating everyone.
The dog walkers these days are a very troubled lot, it's not something you really think about until you have lots of time like myself to study people and the politics that go on around dog walking are next level psychotic if you ask me but this is possibly another blog post for another time as it's a massive subject if you want it to be and frankly a big problem or delusion in the world. Anyway I could here outside what sounded like an elderly couple walking around the tent, blowing a whistle and looking for a dog that likely ran away from them (I wonder why?!).
The dogs and the kids are running the neighbourhoods, pay attention and you will not be able to see anything else!
The mentality of people is "keep your dog on a lead, no matter how good it is off the lead because mine isn't good with any dog off the lead!"
Eventually I heard the lady discussing with the man the fact there was a tent they could see and they should check so I heard "hello, is there anyone there", to which I replied "yes". "Have you seen a dog?" to which I replied "no". I then received what is possibly the rudest comment I've had since I've been houseless and believe me, I have met some undesirables on my journey. The lady replied with "Do you mind if I check your tent?", to which I replied "err yes I do!". They then spent the next few minutes trying to justify why that was a perfectly reasonable request and frankly it was quite staggeringly ignorant. I ended up saying, you wouldn't knock on someone's house and ask them to look around their house for your lost dog would you. To which the guy said "well I would if I thought it was in there", to which I replied "I have no desire to steal your dog and stop projecting that I'm sat in a tent with your dog just because there is a tent in the woods" and after that they eventually just walked away. When you think about the level of ignorance, distrust, projection and self entitlement that is going on here it is really quite shocking.
It was about 10am in the morning so they were likely a retired couple so not working themselves at that current time and assuming that someone living in a tent is neither capable of work, wants to work or do whatever bullshit it is that they did with their lives to justify paying for the unnecessary house they live in. Which creates the projection that they can't be trusted, you aren't living life like me so you clearly can't be trusted, and remember they need to justify an entire life of pointless work some how. Most people would be shocked at the lack of respect for a persons privacy but that doesn't bother me so much. In fact I've lived outside for so long now you come to realise there is no real privacy and the everyday person feels so much entitlement with regards to interfering, you just let go of the concept of privacy. When you think about it there isn't really any privacy in a house, in fact the only reason you are even in a house is because you have no privacy and the system knows everything about you! Not to mention that your bed is normally about 3ft away from the bed next-door only separated by a small brick wall!
So it's not the privacy that bothers me so much it's more the distrust and the assumption that I'm sat their with a dog, keeping it quiet saying no I haven't seen one! When you think about it it's kind of outrageous and the more I thought about it the angrier I got. Anyway I had to let it go and I'm hoping that this blog post will cross the eyes of someone that would have considered thinking the same way about a person in a tent and they may think differently now!
The positive is I think it's the start of some lyrics for another song;
Engage if you want to connect - project if you want to assume
Discuss what you want to correct - I recommend that you do it real soon
That's all I have so far, I've slowed down a bit with the song writing these days as I have so many already and in my opinion I am getting better at singing them every time I sing them so my focus at the moment is to try and get some better equipment which is difficult to do on the street. Although when you think about it it's difficult for anyone to save as most people are spending money they don't have based on a wage they claim they are getting. I'm not even receiving universal credit which will likely be my next blog post because people always ask "why don't you claim it, I would rather my tax money be going to help you" but they really don't understand the half of what is going on and how difficult it is for someone such as myself essentially choosing to live like this on the basis that he can't find a job that interests him or feels like he is helping. If you are making a choice and you don't have a drug addiction, diagnosed mental health condition (we're all mental) or a child and you're just the average white man then you basically get nothing and are expected to just go back to work and do anything, even if it brings you no other value other than an income. I'm currently in the process of trying to claim it again just so I can blog about what is happening and show people just how hard it actually is.
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